Q. Is Ignorance Measured in Degrees or Inches?

When I set the parking brake for the last time on that big shiny Delta 767 back in December 1995, I assumed all that knowledge accumulated over 35 years of flying had just become worthless.

Yesterday, after talking to the two Jehovah Witnesses who came knocking on my door, I was happy to discover that at least some of it could still serve a purpose.

I didn’t invite them in. Instead I stood in the doorway and bantered with them. My intent was to see how long they would hold out. Now that I am retired and my life has no apparent purpose or direction I can afford to entertain myself at the expense of others as they go about doing god’s work. (I don’t use upper case for god since there are so many versions of god it must be a common, rather than a proper noun)

Anyhow, when the petitioner for my soul got on the subject of Noah’s Ark, he seemed taken aback that I could quote the scripture on that non-event.

“And the waters prevailed exceedingly upon the earth; and all the high hills, that were under the whole heaven, were covered.”

“Fifteen cubits upward did the waters prevail; and the mountains were covered.” Gen: 7:19-20

His partner, who until then appeared to be a deaf mute, smiled approvingly.

I asked him if he knew how high the highest mountain on earth was. To his credit he only missed by 50% at 15,000. Most people guess around 10,000. (It’s 29,029 ft. )

However the next question completely stumped him. This is where prior flying experience served me well. I asked him if he knew what the temperature would be 15 cubits (about 22 feet) above the highest mountain on earth. Of course he didn’t have a clue and in all fairness, I didn't expect him to. Aside from airline pilots and meteorologists, why would anyone know? (Or even want to know for that matter, unless like me, you have this pesky sense of curiosity)

The answer is that on a standard day, the temperature at 29,051 (29,029 + 22) would be 43 degrees below zero Fahrenheit. Frozen zebra anyone?

But even if the occupants could have survived the deluge and 43 below zero temperatures, they would have been dead long before the water stopped rising. Again, my flying experience kicks in. For example I once flew a tiny little engineless sailplane to over 23,000 feet over the Colorado Rockies in a little known meteorological phenomenon called a “mountain wave. (Hardly notable since the world altitude record is 50, 699 feet.) Pure oxygen is required at altitudes above 14,000 feet. Above that, without an oxygen mask, most people start getting a little giddy. Passing 20,000 feet most people will have passed out and those still conscious have reached such a stage of silliness it would never occur to them to turn their oxygen supply on. Shortly after passing 20,000 feet I would have died for lack of oxygen.

And so would all the imaginary animals on the imaginary ark (along with the imaginary crew of eight) long before they were frozen solid as a rock on day 40. In fact they would have died for lack of oxygen somewhere around day 30, some 10 days before the ark reached 29,000 feet where god would have delivered them up like so many ice cubes. Ooops!

Oh, by the way, does anyone know how hard it would have to rain in order to cover the highest mountain on earth by 22 feet in 40 days and nights? Turns out the rain would have to come down at the rate 363 inches per hour. Over 6 inches per minute.

I once owned a ranch in Texas. We had a horrible drought in 1979-80. In October of 80 the drought broke. 22 inches of rain fell in just four days. Every bridge on every secondary road in Wise County was destroyed as well as several main bridges. In Noah's flood all that rain would have fallen in less than four minutes.

When I sold the place 16 years later, Wise County property owners were still paying a bridge tax, enacted to replace the bridges washed out in the flood.

As far as I know they are still paying it. Need I say it? Be careful what you pray for.