The Mosque Problem Solved

Tempers have flared recently concerning the proposed Mosque in NY, located about two blocks from Ground Zero. While Christians claim Islam is a religion of violence, Muslims vehemently deny it while making the same claim about Christianity.

One need not slog through the entire Koran or the Christian Bible to realize the holy books of both religions condone violence. A Google search reveals hundreds of examples. Following are just a few.

From the Koran:

Slay them wherever ye find them and drive them out of the places whence they drove you out, for persecution is worse than slaughter. - 2:191

Fight against them until idolatry is no more and Allah's religion reigns supreme. Sura 2:193 and 8:39

Fighting is obligatory for you, much as you dislike it. - 2:216

O believers, take not Jews and Christians as friends; they are friends of each other. Those of you who make them his friends is one of them. God does not guide an unjust people. - 5:54

Violence against women is also condoned.

"Men have authority over women because Allah has made one superior to the other...Good women are obedient...As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them to beds apart and beat them. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them.” Surah 4 Verse 4:34

Clearly the Koran forbids beating women. Except when they won’t listen.

The Christian bible rages with violence. Let me scratch the surface:

1SA 15:3, 7-8 "This is what the Lord says: Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have; do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass ....' And Saul ... utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword."

And this: 2KI 15:16 Menahem ripped open all the women who were pregnant.

And this: HO 13:16 "They shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up."

Christians who reflect on the joy of Psalms as the high point in the inerrant Christian bible apparently overlooked Psalms 137:9.

“Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the rock.”

O.K, so it should make us happy to kill our enemy’s’ babies. What about our own children?

“If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place, and all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die (Deut: 21:18-21)

Fortunately, these days nobody pays much attention to that edict. If they did, a couple of the kids in my neighborhood would not have survived the summer of 07.

As to the treatment of women, they have been given short shrift ever since that commotion broke out in the garden. A curious glance over a shoulder can get you turned into a pile of salt. (Genesis 19:26)

And this from (Leviticus 19:20-22) “When a slave girl has sex with her master she shall be scourged.” What about the slaveholder? “And he shall bring a ram and the sin which he hath done shall be forgiven him.”

So the priest gets a nice young ram, the slave holder gets off scot free and the slave girl who had no say in the matter one way or the other gets the crap beat out of her.

In 1st Corinthians 14:34. Paul writes, “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.” In other words ladies, sit down and shut up.

Neuroscientists once thought the brain stops growing shortly after puberty, but now they know it keeps maturing well into the 20s. This new understanding comes largely from a longitudinal study of brain development sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health, which started following nearly 5,000 children at ages 3 to 16.

When the N.I.M.H. began the study in 1991, they expected to find that the brain stopped growing by the time the subjects turned 16. Since the bodies were well developed by then they thought their brains would be also. But every time the children returned, the researcher found that their brains were still changing. So they extended the end date to 18, then 20, then 22. The subjects’ brains were still changing even then. They found most of the most change took place in the prefrontal cortex and cerebellum, the regions involved in emotional control and higher-order cognitive function.

So now we know why its easy to convince youngsters there is a Santa Claus or an Easter Bunny or that an ice stalagmite located in a cave high in the mountains of Indian controlled Kashmir, is really a god called Shiva.

In light of the N.I.M.H. study, here is a proposition so new, so audacious, it will no doubt earn me the distinguished title of heretic. Like Galileo, who proclaimed that the earth went round the sun, I may be placed under house arrest for the remainder of my life. I'm willing to take the chance. Here goes.

WE SHOULD REFRAIN FROM TEACHING ANY RELIGION TO CHILDREN, STARTING NOW AND CONTINUING FOR THE NEXT 25 YEARS.

Here’s the surprising thing about this proposition. Every person true to their religion will be forced to agree with me. For example, what Christian can disagree that we should not teach children that the Koran is the true word of God; that Jesus was only a prophet, and belief in salvation through Him is unnecessary? Think about that for a moment. Is there a Christian living on this earth that would be willing to drop a son or daughter off at a mosque on their way to Sunday school? Of course not! To do so would brand them as hypocrites of the highest order. So right there I have two and a quarter billion people on my side of the proposition.

What about Muslims? Is there a Muslim family living on this earth that would cheerfully drop a son or daughter off at a Baptist or Catholic Church on the way to their mosque? Of course not! This would not only place them in the hypocrite category, but in some countries would most likely get them beheaded or stoned to death. Tally up another 1.4 billion adherents on my side of the argument.

My proposition should resonate with all religious leaders. Why? Because if they really and truly believe they possess the one true religion, then they should harbor no reservations about presenting it to someone whose minds have developed enough to make clear and logical choices.

Here is how it would work.

Beginning in the year 2035 after the 25 year moratorium, religious leaders could organize “faith fairs.” Their target audience would be the 134,850,000 children born on our planet during the year of 2010. Their goal would be to convince these youngsters that they possessed the only true religion. A plethora of choices would be available to the new crop of 25 year olds. Each year after that, another crop of nearly 135 million would become available.

For example, Islamic leaders could offer up their prophet, Mahomet, for consideration by the prospective Muslim candidates. Mahomet, they could explain, got his inspiration in a cave from the angel Gabriel. That is how Islam received the Koran. One night, Muhammad, accompanied by the angel Gabriel, flew on the back of a winged, horse-like creature to Heaven where Muhammad met God. This is impressive stuff to someone just completing a degree in the year 2035. And what 25 year old co-ed can deny that the Muslim pledge to not beat women unless they deserve it is an attractive proposition.

In the interest of full disclosure, Muslim recruiters for Islam should reveal to potential recruits that there are a few obligations connected with Islam. Following are some but not all.

There is a requirement to pray five times a day while facing in the direction of Mecca. What if a 25 year old co-ed wonders aloud why there is a requirement to pray 5 times a day? Could that indicate Allah has a hearing defect? This presents a perfect opportunity for a male recruiter to grab a cane and give her a good thrashing, thus proving the Koran is the true word of God. It would set a good example for other young women waiting in line to sign up.

To be a Muslim requires one to make a trip to Mecca at least one time in their lives (if you can afford it) in a pilgrimage known as “The Hajj.” There, along with hundreds of thousands of other Muslims, you will be required to walk round and round a black cubicle a little smaller than a White Castle hamburger joint. Seven Times. Counter clockwise. To cut off a few miles, try to get in the inner circle. Because well over 2000 people have been trampled to death, jostling is strictly forbidden.

Another required ritual is performed in the city of Mina, located just east of Mecca. There, our new crop of eager 25 year candidates will need to be in possession of a minimum of 70 small rocks which they will throw at stone pillars representing the devil. 70 is the bare minimum. It’s fun and it’s free. No penalty if you bring along some extra ammunition. In fact, it’s highly recommended. I’ll explain below.

Rock throwing comes with explicit and mandatory rules which must be followed to the letter. If the ritual is not carried out exactly as outlined below, the whole thing is negated and its another expensive airfare another year for another try. Pay close attention.

On the first day, seven rocks are thrown at the largest of three pillars. Then for the next three days, seven rocks are thrown at each of the three stone pillars. The bookkeeping gets a little tricky but trust me, it’s 70. Here are the rules. This may not be a complete list.

1. You are forbidden to throw a handful of rocks at one time and be done with it. They must be thrown one at a time.

2. They must strike the target. (Now you see why extra ammunition is a good idea)

3. Hand thrown only! (Slingshots are not permissible)

4. They must be thrown with the right hand only! If you are a lefty and out of force of habit, throw with the left hand, you have just pissed away several thousand dollars worth of air fare and hotel bills because you will be required to do the whole thing again. I can’t stress this enough. Pay attention to the rules!!

5. Stone rocks only; no salt, iron, copper, wood or porcelain, etc

6. The rocks must be “new”, i.e., not previously thrown.

7. If there is any doubt that the rock has struck the intended target, count from the number where you were absolutely sure you scored and start from that number. Praise Allah and pass the ammunition.

So that about wraps up the rock throwing. Now to the blood letting.

The 25 year old candidate will be informed that he/she is required to kill something.

This ritual also comes with a set of rules, but they are surprisingly brief compared to those associated with stoning the devil.

1. If a sheep, it must be at least six months; if a goat, one year; if a cow, two years; and if a camel, five years.

2. It is preferable, but not mandatory, that the Hajj pilgrim should kill it himself/herself. The occasional 25 year old co-ed who declares the act reprehensible and not only refuses to perform it, but also refuses to appoint someone in her place to perform it, can be publicly flogged, reaffirming the truth of Surah 4 Verse 4:34, that men have authority over women because Allah has made one superior to the other.

3. The doomed animal must be free of any defect. It can’t be one‑eyed, lame, sick, old or decrepit. There is disagreement, however, regarding its acceptability in case of castration. My advice to a 25 year old considering becoming a Muslim is simply to assure your creature has not been castrated. Why take a chance? It definitely can’t have broken horns, missing or mutilated ears or tail. Why would anyone want to kill an animal like that? It has had enough problems already.

That covers the main rules for becoming a Muslim.

Parenthetically, it should be mentioned that Mormons make similar claims about how their prophet came by the Book of Mormon. Since he had at least 33 wives however, he was way too busy with other midnight riding that (hopefully) did not involve horses.

But on to Christianity. What is on offer here for our graduates?

The choices are mind-boggling. If you are a ready, aim, aim, aim, aim person, you may never make a choice. For example, David B. Barrett with a religion doctorate from Columbia University has spent 40 years systematizing information on religion worldwide. His "World Christian Encyclopedia" identifies 33,830 Christian denominations from the nations he surveyed. 33,830! Its available at Oxford University Press or Amazon for 320.00 U.S. dollars.

If I were a 25 year old who had never been indoctrinated into religion, and were given only two choices; Islam or Christianity, I would choose Christianity without hesitation. Why? Because its so much easier! Neither knowledge nor effort is required. No one has to kill a goat. You are not required to memorize anything or make expensive trip to perform exacting and tiresome rituals. Zero effort, zero knowledge. All you have to do is show up. Your preacher or priest will tell you everything you need to know. The F you got on that biology test on human reproduction? Those same answers will get you an A+ in Sunday school.

Of course we adults would be remiss if we failed to mention to our new crop of 25 year old citizens that another choice is available. For example, they can choose not to believe in any supernatural beings. They can continue to do what they have been doing since about the time they left 5th grade; demand verifiable and repeatable experiments to prove or disprove a claim.

If there is a god, he/she/it gave us this huge brain. It should be considered a gift. Not using it is paramount to rejecting the gift. The worst insult we can hand another is to reject a gift given in good faith. Remember, the first recorded murder in history (when Cain murdered Abel) was committed because of a rejected gift.

Finally, I would ask our new crop of 25 year old citizens to read something written in the 19th century by one of our greatest moralists and thinkers, Robert Ingersoll.

“If we are, in any way, bound by the belief of our fathers, the doctrine will hold good back to the first people who had a religion; and if this doctrine is true, we ought now to be believers in that first religion. In other words, we would all be barbarians. You cannot show any respect to your parents by perpetuating their errors. If you wish to reflect credit upon your parents, accomplish more than they did, solve more problems that they could not understand, and build better than they knew. Why would a son who has examined a subject, throw away his reason and adopt the views of his mother? Is not such a course dishonorable to both”?

In light of the 4.6 billion years since our planet was formed, and the 200,000 years since we humans attained our present brain size, is 25 short years too much to ask?

Can we start tomorrow?