The Stuff We Believe

Let’s assume scientists are fairly accurate in their estimation of the age of the earth as 4.55 billion years.(Unlike Christian apologetics they can actually present evidence to back the claim.)

Using a 24 hour clock, let’s imagine the 4.55 billion years started at midnight last night and will end with Armageddon at midnight tonight. Now let’s squeeze all that 4.55 billion years into the 24 hour time period.

Here is what we have:

Each hour on our 24 hour clock is equivalent to 189,583,333 years.

Each minute equals 3,159,722 years

Each second equals 52,719 years.

Not much happened for a long, long time. In fact it was getting late in the evening, about 10:00 pm, before fishes showed up. The dinosaurs came even later; around 10:40. By 20 minutes till midnight they had already become extinct. Twenty minutes remaining on our 24 hour clock. Have we shown up yet? Nope. We homo sapiens with our 1500 cc brains won’t show up for another 19 minutes and 56 seconds. But that corresponds to 195,000 years ago. God won’t reveal himself to us for another 190,000 years. It’s anybody’s guess what he did with all those brainy people who were around 190,000 years before us. There are no records to indicate they even knew about him. In a photo finish worthy of any good movie, he finally came out of the shadows (literally, according to Genesis) and revealed himself to mankind after the second hand on our 24 hour clock had already launched itself into the very last second of that 24 hours. In fact, we have only one tenth of one second left on our 24 hour clock when he (in effect) says “YO! All you miserable sinners!! Here I am!”

Just in time too. According to the 24 hour clock, we have less than ten one thousandths of a second before everything goes to hell in a hand basket and we blow ourselves to kingdom come.

And you know what? I believe it. Not because it says so in some fictional book but because we have failed to use our brains. And why have we failed to use our brains? All because of our delusional religions.

I don’t want to appear immodest, but if I was all powerful and all knowing and had nearly 24 god hours to come up with my crowning achievement (us), I’m pretty sure I could have come up with a better model, even if I had to start 3 or 4 seconds earlier in god time. For example here are some of the changes I would have incorporated into the test models before it became necessary to drown all but eight of them.

1. Our eyes are wired wrong. Our optic nerve is on the wrong side. Where it has to make its way through to the “brain” side, it leaves humans with a blind spot. Squid and octopuses are wired correctly. They don’t have blind spots. How come squid and octopus got a better system? Even the lowly bat gets around in the dark much better than we do. Apologist will inadvertently make my case when they quickly point out, “Yeah, but that’s because they emit little squeaks which bounce off things…sorta like radar”. Exactly. One might think if god could give squid and octopuses perfect eyesight and outfit bats with radar, he could have had to common decency to do the same for us, his most favored creature.

2. Our gums deteriorate and our teeth rot out. This causes untold pain and misery and dental bills that could balance the national budget. Sharks have the ability to grow replacement teeth. How come we were not blessed with this advantage? Does god love sharks more than he loves us?

3. Our ears appear to be designed by a mad scientist. It has this crazy quilt of parts with names like hammer, stirrup, cochlea, semicircular canals, and tiny hairs called cilia. If this stuff doesn’t work properly we get nausea. And when it all gets stopped up due to colds it hurts like hell when the pressure changes. I cannot tell you the times during my career as a Captain with Delta Air Lines that I descended the airplane early (at great fuel cost to the company) because some poor soul was suffering horrible pain due to a blockage in the Eustachian tubes. Surely god knew we would someday have airplanes.

4. When Jesus marveled at how small the mustard seed is, he evidently had no knowledge of the aids virus. A million aids viruses would easily fit on a mustard seed with room to spare. This tiny little bastard has killed over 25 million of us, making it one of the smallest, yet most dangerous predators humans have ever encountered. Since 1981, when the aids virus started, human deaths from sharks, alligators, snakes, lightening strikes, drowning, avalanches, floods and wars combined, would not come close to the 25 million deaths caused by aids. An untold number of deaths have occurred because the Catholic Church preached against the use of condoms, thus allowing the spread of aids.

That tiny little virus, so small it takes a microscope to see, is busily working on another 25 million of us. And we haven’t even mentioned those other teensy, weensy little viruses like typhoid, yellow fever, flu and malaria which have killed hundreds of millions more of our species. We have dominion? Over what? Man is the only animal I know of that you could drop buck naked almost anywhere in the world and he would not be able to survive.

5. “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.” Matt. 18:19 . Ummm…not really. Jesus may have over-reached a little here. I know a guy who lost an arm in an accident and my money says you could get, not just two, but all 35 million Baptists together and have them pray for the arm to grow back and “My Father in heaven” wouldn’t come through on that promise. Not even if all 35 million waved their arms above their head in unison, in order to get gods’ attention. What if the Pope himself led a billion Catholics in prayer in order to restore the arm? Nope. I have so much faith that prayer doesn’t work, I am willing to wager every penny I have that if all the Catholics, Protestants, Muslims and Hindus and Mormons on the entire planet all prayed in unison for the arm to grow back, it wouldn’t do it.

But you know what? Salamanders can do it. Salamanders don’t pray but they sure as hell excel when it comes to growing back body parts. You grab a salamander and whack off his tail and in no time, Voila!! A new tail! Not only tails. They can also grow new limbs, parts of their hearts and the retinas and lenses in their eyes. Humans cannot do any of that. How come? If god so loved us so much that he gave his only begotten son, surely he would have wanted to treat us as well as a slimy, disgusting salamander. After all, he had nearly 5 billion years to think about it. No matter how often or how fervently we plead with god to grow us a new limb, he refuses to do it. Does god love salamanders more than us?


6. My all time favorite. Somehow, god in making us in his image, managed to place our sex organs right next to the place where our excrement comes out. What civil engineer in his right mind would put a playground right in the middle of a waste disposal dump?

Most people are unaware that over 99% of all species of life that ever existed are now extinct. Extinction is the rule. Survival is the exception. Intelligent design? How intelligent is that? If 99% of all airplanes crashed and burned, nobody would set foot in one of the damned things. We have to ask…how come god created all these creatures and then wiped them out? I could name dozens more examples but you get the idea. I am forced to agree with Woody Allen when he remarked, “The best thing I can say about god was that he was an under achiever”.

Let’s continue with some statistics gleaned from a Google search of the CIA World Factbook . I used it because it’s the most up to date I could find. The numbers were as of July 2008. The website of the World Council of Churches publishes the same numbers.

World population….6,707,000,000. (July 08)

First the bad news. With a death rate of 8.23 deaths per 1000 population, 55,201,589 people on this planet die each year.

Now the worse news. With a birth rate of 20.18 births per 1000 population, 90, 682, 578 people on this planet are born each year.

That means every year the world population increases by:

35,480,989 each year.

97,208 each day!!

4,050 each hour!!

So what does this all mean in terms of the Christian religion? In order to answer that we need to examine some Christian beliefs.

First, most Christians say they believe the bible is true. When one thinks about it they are forced to say the bible is true because if it’s not true, then their whole belief system is in danger of crumbling down around their ankles. For now, just for the sake of argument, let’s assume they are correct. Let’s agree the bible is in fact, true.

Second, let’s further assume that Christians will say their savior, Jesus, is a truthful gent. He does not lie. Couldn’t tell a lie if he tried. So for now, just for the sake of argument, let’s agree that Jesus cannot tell a lie.

Third, Christians claim their god is omniscient. Omniscient means, “all knowing”. God knows everything that, has happened, is happening and will happen. I’m not sure others believe since most of them are at least not foolish enough to set down what they believe in writing, but Baptists have set their beliefs in stone with the Baptist creed. And they say thier god is omniscient. Period.
Fourth, Christians claim we should pay attention to and follow the advice of Jesus.

Jesus says in Luke 19:27: “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me”.

As I explained earlier, there are some 4.7 billion of the earths’ inhabitants who heartily reject the idea that Jesus should reign over them. The very idea is repugnant to them. If Jesus were to appear today and his orders carried out, the mountain of rotting corpses he would be standing on would be higher than the highest mountain where he had the alleged conversation with Satan took place. Hitler “only” killed six million Jews. Jesus would have his henchmen kill 750 times as many. He would make Hitler look like a Sunday school teacher by comparison. It appears to me this presents yet another dilemma for dogmatic Christians. Either Jesus is a pathological maniac or the bible is untrue. And how can something that is untrue be divinely inspired?

So what should a divine book be?

Robert Ingersoll answered the question.

IS THE OLD TESTAMENT INSPIRED?


If it is, it should be a book that no man -- no number of men -- could produce.

It should contain the perfection of philosophy.

It should perfectly accord with every fact in nature.

There should be no mistakes in astronomy, geology, or as to any subject or science.

Its morality should be the highest, the purest.

Its laws and regulations for the control of conduct should be just, wise, perfect, and perfectly adapted to the accomplishment of the ends desired.

It should contain nothing calculated to make man cruel, revengeful, vindictive or infamous.

It should be filled with intelligence, justice, purity, honesty, mercy and the spirit of liberty.

It should be opposed to strife and war, to slavery and lust, to ignorance, credulity and superstition.

It should develop the brain and civilize the heart.

It should satisfy the heart and brain of the best and wisest.

It should be true.

Does the Old Testament satisfy this standard?

Is there anything in the Old Testament -- in history, in theory, in law, in government, in morality, in science -- above and beyond the ideas, the beliefs, the customs and prejudices of its authors and the people among whom they lived?
Is there one ray of light from any supernatural source?

The ancient Hebrews believed that this earth was the center of the universe, and that the sun, moon and stars were specks in the sky.

With this the Bible agrees.

They thought the earth was flat, with four corners; that the sky, the firmament, was solid -- the floor of Jehovah's house.

The Bible teaches the same.

They imagined that the sun journeyed about the earth, and that by stopping the sun the day could be lengthened.

The Bible agrees with this.

They believed that Adam and Eve were the first man and woman; that they had been created but a few years before, and that they, the Hebrews, were their direct descendants.



This the Bible teaches.

If anything is, or can be, certain, the writers of the Bible were mistaken about creation, astronomy, geology; about the causes of phenomena, the origin of evil and the cause of death.

Now, it must be admitted that if an infinite Being is the author of the Bible, he knew all sciences, all facts, and could not have made a mistake.

If, then, there are mistakes, misconceptions, false theories, ignorant myths and blunders in the Bible, it must have been written by finite beings; that is to say, by ignorant and mistaken men.

Nothing can be clearer than this.

For centuries the church insisted that the Bible was absolutely true; that it contained no mistakes; that the story of creation was true; that its astronomy and geology were in accord with the facts; that the scientists who differed with the Old Testament were infidels and atheists.

Now this has changed. The educated Christians admit that the writers of the Bible were not inspired as to any science. They now say that God, or Jehovah, did not inspire the writers of his book for the purpose of instructing the world about astronomy, geology, or any science. They now admit that the inspired men who wrote the Old Testament knew nothing about any science, and that they wrote about the earth and stars, the sun and moon, in accordance with the general ignorance of the time.

It required many centuries to force the theologians to this admission. Reluctantly, full of malice and hatred, the priests retired from the field, leaving the victory with science.

They took another position;

They declared that the authors, or rather the writers, of the Bible were inspired in spiritual and moral things; that Jehovah wanted to make known to his children his will and his infinite love for his children; that Jehovah, seeing his people wicked, ignorant and depraved, wished to make them merciful and just, wise and spiritual, and that the Bible is inspired in its laws, in the religion it teaches and in its ideas of government.

This is the issue now. Is the Bible any nearer right in its ideas of justice, of mercy, of morality or of religion than in its conception of the sciences? Is it moral?

It upholds slavery -- it sanctions polygamy.

Could a devil have done worse?

Is it merciful?

In war it raised the black flag; it commanded the destruction, the massacre, of all -- of the old, infirm. and helpless -- of wives and babes.

Were its laws inspired?

Hundreds of offenses were punished with death. To pick up sticks on Sunday, to murder your father on Monday, were equal crimes. There is in the literature of the world no bloodier code. The law of revenge -- of retaliation -- was the law of Jehovah. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a limb for a limb.

This is savagery -- not philosophy.

Is it just and reasonable?

The Bible is opposed to religious toleration -- to religious liberty. Whoever differed with the majority was stoned to death. Investigation was a crime. Husbands were ordered to denounce and to assist in killing their unbelieving wives.

It is the enemy of Art. "Thou shalt make no graven image." This was the death of Art.

Palestine never produced a painter or a sculptor.

Is the Bible civilized?

It upholds lying, larceny, robbery, murder, the selling of diseased meat to strangers, and even the sacrifice of human beings to Jehovah.

Is it philosophical?

It teaches that the sins of a people can be transferred to an animal -- to a goat. It makes maternity an offence for which a sin offering had to be made.

It was wicked to give birth to a boy, and twice as wicked to give birth to a girl.

To make hair-oil like that used by the priests was an offence punishable with death.

The blood of a bird killed over running water was regarded as medicine.

Would a civilized God daub his altars with the blood of oxen, lambs and doves? Would he make all his priests butchers? Would he delight in the smell of burning flesh?







THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
Some Christian lawyers -- some eminent and stupid judges -- have said and still say, that the Ten Commandments are the foundation of all law.

Nothing could be more absurd. Long before these commandments were given there were codes of laws in India and Egypt -- laws against murder, perjury, larceny, adultery and fraud. Such laws are as old as human society; as old as the love of life; as old as industry; as the idea of prosperity; as old as human love.

All of the Ten Commandments that are good were old; all that were new art foolish. If Jehovah had been civilized he would have left out the commandment about keeping the Sabbath, and in its place would have said: "Thou shalt not enslave thy fellow-men." He would have omitted the one about swearing, and said: "The man shall have but one wife, and the woman but one husband." He would have left out the one about graven images, and in its stead would have said: "Thou shalt not wage wars of extermination, and thou shalt not unsheathe the sword except in self-defence."If Jehovah had been civilized, how much grander the Ten Commandments would have been.

All that we call progress -- the enfranchisement of man, of labor, the substitution of imprisonment for death, of fine for imprisonment, the destruction of polygamy, the establishing of free speech, of the rights of conscience; in short, all that has tended to the development and civilization of man; all the results of investigation, observation, experience and free thought; all that man has accomplished for the benefit of man since the close of the Dark Ages -- has been done in spite of the Old Testament.